There are different types of essays. There is no one perfect essay. The main purpose of an essay is to write clearly and make your ideas complex, convincing, logical, well developed with example, evidence, supporting arguments, explanations and reasons. Most importantly, think ‘so what’ and link it back to the question.
You should make sure your ideas/points are:
- Complex
- Clear
- Convincing
- Logical
- Exemplified
- Supported with evidence
- Supported with arguments
- Explanatory (Explain why/why not/why it is a problem?)
- Giving outcomes/results/conclusions which link the point back to the question
BAND 9 MODEL ESSAY
Some people believe that robots will play an important role in future societies, while others argue that robots might have negative effect on society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Nowadays, there is a widespread belief that robotics will make a significant impact in the society. Some think that this can have detrimental consequences, but there is another school of thought which believe that they will have considerable positive influence on the world. In this essay I will consider both points of view and conclude that as long as robots are carefully utilized, they can be enormously beneficial to mankind.
My opinion [Point] Most sophisticated procedures that are impossible for humans to solve are now undertaken by robots. [Explanation] Industries ranging from agriculture to medicine require flawless precision and capabilities for successful completion. [Example] For instance, as many doctors might find it highly risky to do complicated surgeries, robots are already being used to carry out medical procedures with unprecedented success because of the pin point accuracy with which they can operate over extended periods of time. [Link/So What?] The risks associated with these surgeries can [hedging] be reduced significantly and the invaluable function of robots cannot be taken lightly. [Supporting argument/Exemplification] What is more, robots continue to take over tedious and hazardous jobs, such as defusing bombs, [so what?] and in doing so prevent loss of many lives.
Why is it a Band 9 essay?
- General statement (first line) gives a background to the issue and does not paraphrase the question
- There are clear paragraph introductions to guide the reader
- Both the opinion and the opposite side are mentioned in the essay and a clear opinion is given throughout the essay without staying on the fence.
- The points are well developed (clear, complex, exemplified, explained, linked back to the question using ‘so what?’)
- Hedging used in order to avoid generalization
- Linking and referencing used
- Results/consequences/so what? given for every point in the essay
- Complex sentences and conditionals used
- Collocations used such as: widespread belief, detrimental consequences etc. (All the words in red).
Memorize these adjectives and use it in your writing:
- a considerable amount: This will cost a considerable amount of tax payers’ money
- a major factor: Continued usage of fossil fuels is a major factor in global warming
- a widespread belief, a significant impact: Nowadays, there is a widespread belief that robotics will have a significant impact in the society.
- a detrimental effect: Some think that artificial intelligence can have a detrimental effect on our wellbeing.
- a positive feature: Being able to work with flawless precision is a major positive feature of robots.
- a broad range: Children have a broad range of skills that help them thrive.
